Guardian
by kmart92
Summary: Sam's look after he was rescued in 2.13 said so much, but who knew what he was thinking then. What if he thought their rendezvous was a mistake? Please read and review!


_**Disclaimer: No! I refuse to believe that Rookie Blue and Sam Swarek are not mine!**_

_**Just a one-shot, which I thought about ages ago but am now finally deciding to write it. This is basically post 2.13 farmhouse rescue but with a different twist (aka, no 'wanna try being normal together' – yet…). Don't kill me for this idea, but I feel like it needs to be done. Enjoy! Please REVIEW!**_

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He couldn't explain the overwhelming sense of relief he felt when he saw her slightly terrified figure standing by the squad cars. For the first time in his life, he'd actually _prayed_ that Brennan's mention of 'Candace' was true, cos God knows if it wasn't, Sam wouldn't have even bothered fighting back. He'd have just laid there and waited for the inevitable death to come.

They were lucky this time. He saw her visibly relax the set of her shoulders when her eyes registered him alive, walking away from what could have easily been his graveyard. He saw the build-up of tears as her Bambi eyes observed the extent of his injuries and the fact that Oliver had to help him down the stairs.

But all he could really register was that he'd screwed up. It was his fault that Andy was put in harm's way, her life in grave danger because he couldn't let go, because he had quickly become addicted to her. In that moment, as he stood before her, retracing the contours of her face in his mind, Sam didn't feel any of the pain that he knew was throbbing through his body. She should hate him; he deserved it. And yet he could only see the same fear and love that was mirrored in his own eyes.

All along he'd been trying to support her, protect her, make sure he was there for her when no one else was, but when the time came, _he_ was the one who let her down in the worst possible way. Because of him, she could be d… No. Sam couldn't even think that word without feeling the intense urge to either puke or crush her body against him and hold her there until he felt like he could breathe properly again. He wasn't sure which would win, but in the end, he just stood there, dumb, a myriad of thoughts scrambling through his brain, unable to grasp hold of one.

Sam wanted to reach out to her, touch her lips, feel her heartbeat beneath his palm, inhale that sweet scent of vanilla and strawberries that was uniquely Andy. Finally, one thing broke to the front of his mind, clearer than anything he'd felt through his entire life. _'I love you'_, Sam simultaneously wanted to shout it over a loud speaker and whisper it over and over in her ear until it became a chant. He'd known it for a long time, longer than he cared to remember, but something about the solemnity of the occasion and, for the last several hours, fearing he might never see her again, blocked everything else out of his mind.

She stood there, abnormally quiet and serious, painfully still, unsure of so many things. He'd failed her, he couldn't protect her like he'd vowed that night she'd walked away from the bar with Callaghan. Someone like him didn't deserve Andy McNally.

A rogue thought flew past the others whirring in his brain and struck him with as much force as a punch in the gut. _If you love something, set it free_. Sam struggled to maintain his composure as the realisation set in and he knew what he had to do. Even if it killed him, it was the only way. Dredging up his last reserves of energy, Sam skimmed his eyes over face and body, memorising every detail, and then forced his feet to walk away.

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She sat through the lecture Best gave her, at times yelling at her to make sure she understood the severity of what she'd done, and yet she could only think of the look he gave her. Sam Swarek was always cryptic. Dark, mysterious, passionate, and confusing as hell, but she could never get enough of him. She _knew_ she was in love with him, _knew _it like it was the most deeply engrained thing in her life, but his expression as he just stood there, silent and fragile, worried her. She had no idea what he was thinking.

Andy thought she saw a flicker of pain in the second before he turned away from her, and now she was stuck, overthinking as usual, agonizing over what that meant for them. For their future. So many scenarios, so many possible explanations for how he was feeling, but she couldn't pinpoint any particular one. She needed to find him, tell him just how _in_ she was, how she never wanted to go another day without telling him how much he means to her, that _she_ can't imagine her life without him in it.

Nodding formally as Best started to dismiss her, Andy caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of Sam heading towards the exit, tired and worn, a brace on his wrist signifying more injuries than she'd initially noticed. Quickly handing over her badge, hardly caring that she'd once again cursed the family name, she bolted for the doors, grateful that she'd thought to change of out her uniform before her meeting.

She caught up with him just as he reached his truck.

"Sam," she breathed out, stepping closer to feel his warmth, raising a hand with the intention of tracing the outline of his face with a fingertip.

"McNally," he nodded, looking down at the ground, his voice cold and hesitant, back to formalities.

At his tone, she dropped her hand and the fear of his rejection began to take hold. He had the same expression on his face as the '_it was what it was_' moment, and whatever she'd planned to say vanished from her lips. Again they found themselves at an impasse.

Eventually, Sam coughed, wincing at little and breaking the silence. "Look, McNally, in case you didn't notice, I've had a fairly rough day, and there's nothing I'd like more than to just curl up in bed for the next century."

Despite herself, Andy smiled, not picking up on his subtle hint. "Ok, sure. Yeah of course you need to rest. I'll drive you." She held her hand out for the keys, but instead heard Sam sigh and scrub his good hand over his face.

"No," Sam's voice was quiet and controlled, hoping he could keep it together to get through this. He still couldn't bring himself to look at her. "No, uh…. I think it's best… McNally, I think we need to go our separate ways." He heard her gasp and glanced up, seeing the hurt and confused look clouding her face.

"What?" she whispered, rusty with emotion.

"I screwed up. I should never have let that happen between us." Sam watched her frantically shaking her head, eyes wild and teary, but continued anyway. "It was a mistake…"

"It _wasn't_ a mistake," she broke in, angry and upset that he was writing everything off, wanting to forget what they'd shared and go back to normal, back to fake friends and work colleagues, nothing more.

"It was a mistake that nearly got us both killed. I can't let that happen again, so we need to just accept our punishment and call it quits." Sam swallowed several times to get rid of the lump that had formed, but instead found himself choking out the words even as the voice in his head screamed at him to take everything back and beg her forgiveness for even contemplating leaving her for a second.

"NO!" Andy screamed. "What happened to 'no going back', huh? So what, you just sleep with me and that's it?"

Sam closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotion that was threatening to break free at her words. _No, you could never just be that for me. I love you. Don't hate me. I don't have a choice. I love you_.

He opened them again a few moments later, staring at her, mute and despairing.

That was when she saw the truth behind his eyes, the reason for him wilfully ripping her heart to shreds. "I don't believe you."

"Huh?"

"I said, I don't believe you, Sam. You feel guilty for this and you're blaming yourself. You're trying to be some kind of saint by pushing me away. Well it's not gonna work!"

"Andy…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Sam, except with you, so you'd better get that through your thick stubborn skull." Her face was fiercely loyal and he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he had to force himself away.

Sam flung open the truck door which caught her by surprise, then slammed it shut and tried to start the engine. Andy was banging on the window, screaming at him to stop and let her in. He felt wetness on his cheeks and a droplet fell to his jeans, he realised he was crying. Throwing the car into drive, he swiped angrily at his face and slowly pulled out, but abruptly stopped when Andy ran in front of the bonnet.

"Sam!" He heard her scream his name, and he knew his fight was over.

Moments later, she whipped open his door and clutched at his shoulders, roughly dragging him around to face her. "You can't do this to me, Sam. You can't just pretend like I mean nothing to you, I'm your fucking partner, Sam! You don't just get to walk away from me like this!"

"McNally…"

"Stop being so goddamn stoic, Sam! You didn't cause this." Her fingernails were digging into his arm, grasping him tighter with every passing second until he burst.

"Yes I did! I _called_ you, I couldn't bear to be away from you and I didn't care that I was risking both of our lives to do it." Sam sniffed, trying vainly to push her away. "I can't protect you, Andy," he whispered hoarsely, dropping his head, ashamed.

Andy paused for a moment, taking it all in. "It's not your fault, Sam, it's Boyd's. And no matter how you try to justify this in your mind, I'm ok. He didn't hurt me and even if he did, I could never blame you for anything."

"You should," he murmured. "If you were… I'd have nothing else to live for." Sam automatically closed his eyes and leaning into her hand as she caressed his face, wiping away his tears.

"Oh, Sam." Andy trailed her fingernails through his hair, kneeling down so she could look into his eyes. "You didn't lose me. We're in this thing together, you and I. You're the most amazing person, Sam. You're loyal, dependable and you're _always_ there for me when it matters. But you can't protect me from everything, Sam."

Sam leaned back from her, refusing to believe that he was anything like the picture she painted of him. He looked out to windscreen into the snow, forcing himself to harden his voice again, trying one last time. "We can't be together, Andy. We have to go back to normal."

She fixed him with strong, confident stare, shaking her head even though he wasn't watching her. "Tell me you don't love me, Sam." He whipped his head back around to face her, shocked and insecure. "If you can look me in the eye and tell me you're not in love with me, then I'll let you drive away."

Sam gulped, opening his mouth but closing it only a second later when he realised the words wouldn't come. He couldn't say it, he couldn't lie. He felt like there was an elephant stamping on his chest as he tried to breathe. "Andy…" he croaked, pained.

"Tell me Sam."

He sat there for another minute, staring into her beautiful eyes. Without warning, he reached a hand around her neck and pulled her forcefully towards him, swallowing her gasp as his lips aggressively covered hers. Sam's teeth sunk hard into her bottom lip before he plunged his tongue into her mouth as she took a ragged breath. He didn't care that the ferocity of his movements were causing his body to yelp in agony. Even as they panted for air, Sam's lips never left her for more than a second, knowing that if everything else went to hell, if Andy was with him, nothing else would matter. They were both ok, they could get through this.

Slowly, after the initial frenzy, Sam pulled back, tangling his fingers through her long brown locks. Both taking measured breaths to calm down, Sam touched her chin, tilting it back slightly, and gazed at her with an almost sad smile. "I'm in love with you, Andy."

She beamed, lighting up her whole face. "I know." Sam just blinked at her. Andy's grin softened as the sincerity of the moment took over. "I love you too, Sam." She leaned forward to brush her nose against his, biting her lip against a shy smile. "Let me take you home."

Sam rolled his eyes at the flashback and snorted lightly. He scooted over into the passenger seat and watched her shut the door, marvelling at her euphoric little giggle as she faced him. "Wanna try being normal together?"

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_**FIN**_

_**Ok, so it was supposed to be much better than that, but oh well. I'll live. Hope you all liked it. I can't wait to read your opinions, so please please please REVIEW!**_


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